I remember as a kid, that there was a saying that we used to say. It’s pretty common, I hear my kids say it now, and I’m sure many of you said it in your youth as well. “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” We used to say that when someone was saying something mean to us and we were trying to show that we were brave and weren’t bothered a bit by what they said. We said it to sort of tease the one saying mean things, one final measure to stick it to the bullies who were trying to hurt us.
For all the bravado of that phrase and what it tries to accomplish, as an adult I realized that the phrase is just not true. Words actually hurt a lot more than physical pain. Physical injuries do in fact, heal. Broken bones will be mended in time, and those things will someday become a distant memory. But, if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of mean-spirited words, or words intended to hurt, or words spoken carelessly, you know that those words continue to sting long after the initial injury.
I have had such words spoken about me, to me, against me. I can still recall the sting of the words of someone I had called a close friend. Words that were untrue and accusatory, words that severed trust and parted our ways.
I have spoken such words, not often with the intent to hurt, but often words spoken carelessly without much thought given to the potential consequences of such words. Sometimes I have the opportunity to make it right, sometimes I don’t.
Words ring in our minds long after they are spoken. Words follow us throughout our days. Words form our opinion of ourselves and words form our worldview. Words are infinitely important and should not be underestimated. Followers of Christ should be exemplary in their words, but unfortunately, I have heard some of the most hateful, nasty things said from the mouths of those who bear the Name of Christ.
James has hard words about our words, and they are words we need to hear. Let’s look at James 3:3-12, “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.” (NIV)
Proverbs 18:21 also talks about the dual nature of the tongue, and ultimately our words that are spoken by our tongues. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (NASB)
James talks about our hypocrisy, how with the same mouth, with the same tongue we praise God as Lord and Creator, we thank Him for the gift of salvation, and then leave this building and saying horrible things about the people who are created in His image, people that Christ died for as well!
Proverbs 11:9 says that with the mouth, those who are godless destroy their neighbors. Proverbs 15:4 tells us that gentle words give life, but deceitful tongues crush the spirit. Words can do both, so we have a choice with our words when we speak them, we can choose to speak words that give life or DEATH. We can choose to speak words that do good or EVIL. And we can choose to speak words that bear good fruit or cause inner ROT.
James says quite simply, “My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” Evil words, words that bring death, hurt, pain, rot, have no place in the life of the Christ follower. It’s not just James who says this either, the same thought can be found throughout the New Testament.
Titus 3:2 gives us these instructions, “Tell them not to speak evil things against anyone. Remind them to live in peace. They must consider the needs of others. They must always be gentle toward everyone.” (NIRV) This is pretty clear. Do not speak evil things against anyone. Not just other believers, but anyone!
Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (NIV) Unwholesome talk here refers to and sort of speech that is worthless, bad, harmful, or rotten. No such words should come from the mouth of Christ followers. Paul even gives an alternative here, that instead we should only speak what is helpful for building others up or words that benefit them.
Colossians 4:6, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” When we look carefully at the words “grace” and “salt” what we could say is this, “Let your conversation be always full of kindness, goodness, and favor, prepared with truth, so that you may know how to respond to everyone.” (NIV) It’s similar to Paul’s words in Ephesians to speak the truth in love. Often we lean so hard on the truth that we forget that it should be said in love, kindness, goodness, and favor. Sometimes, if we’re honest, we confuse opinion and personal preference for truth.
James talks about how hard it is to take the tongue, to control your speech. But, we can see how important it is, because with one single hurtful word we can destroy our witness for Christ. What are we to do? How do we go about curbing the tongue and speaking words that are kind, good, favorable, truthful; words that bring life and build others up?
Hear Jesus’ words in Luke 6:43-45, “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (NIV)
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. And here’s the truth that is so important for us to understand, that the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. What we say comes from what fills our HEARTS.
So, what we should know is that whatever you spend the majority of your time on, whatever you spend time pursuing, whatever you allow to fill up your heart, that is what will come out in your words. If you spend most of your days filling your head and heart with angry, hateful words spoken by others, then you will likely speak angry, hateful words to others as well.
Fill your time up with fearful talk, being afraid of this thing or that, being afraid of opposing points of view, feeling threatened by the world’s circumstances, then you will likely speak words of fear, words that seem defensive and yet full of uncertainty.
Fill your time with things that are mocking and derisive, your words will likely also be mocking and derisive.
Now, it would be counter-productive for Christ followers to withdraw entirely from the world and everything that is part of the world. How would we make disciples of Christ if we are not in the world? We must be in the world to make disciples, which is why it is so important to fill our hearts with good things that will produce good things and good words in our lives. If we want good to come out and for it to come out as a natural response, we have to intentional spend time putting good things in.
This should not come as a surprise. We know how to do this, we guard our hearts and therefore our words with God’s WORD! The only way to make sure that we are speaking life with our words is to fill up our hearts with God’s Word.
Matthew 4:4 says this, “Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (NIV) His words are what we ought to live by, because His words alone have the power to create life. If we want to be able to speak life to others, to speak what is good, we have to know God’s words.
Psalm 119:105 adds this, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” (NIV) His word shows us the path we should walk. His word illuminates the ways of His light and truth in our life. Again, if we want to be able to speak His words of light and truth, we must fill our hearts up with His words.
And finally, we have this from John 15:3, “You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.” (NASB) His words make us clean. We are clean because He says it is so. So, if we want to be people that are speaking words that are wholesome, good, kind, and build up others, it is His word living in our hearts that will make this possible.
We have the unique opportunity as followers of Christ to disciple others. We know this is a serious responsibility, one that we don’t take lightly. We saw last week through the book of James that doing good deeds are part of saving faith in Christ, but our words are what we use to disciple people to be followers of Christ and to teach them His ways. We have the opportunity to use our words to act as spiritual mothers and fathers to those who need Jesus. To teach, build up, encourage, and grow new life. Let us always strive to use our words wisely, in a way that honors God, and let us seek to fill our hearts with more of His words every day.
1. Pray Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Ask Him to examine your words. Are there things you have said recently that are offensive to Him? What were those things?
2. Read James 3:3-12 again. Is controlling the tongue an easy thing? What is the best way to control our tongues according to Hebrews 4:12, 16?
3. What kind of encouraging words will you speak to someone in your life this week? Consider writing an appreciation note, or sending an uplifting text message!