I once had a friend who was a people pleaser, let’s call her friend A. One time, another mutual friend, let’s say friend B, of ours wanted to do something nice for friend A, but she didn’t ask friend A before hand if it was okay. She wanted it to be a surprise. So she planned a make-over for friend A, called the hairstylist and scheduled an appointment for cut and color, and then one day we all got together to give friend A the surprise make-over. We spent hours doing the make-over, and the intention behind it was good, we wanted to love on friend A because she was going through a hard time.
Friend A didn’t say much throughout the entire make-over. Even as we drove her to the hair salon to get her hair cut and colored, she didn’t say much. After we were all done, friend B left, and me and another friend were left with friend A. It was only after friend B left that friend A told us, “I really don’t like this make-over. I wish friend B had asked me first.”
We were flabbergasted!! “Why didn’t you say anything before?” We asked. “Why didn’t you tell friend B that you didn’t want a make-over? Why didn’t you tell us?” She sat there for hours, even in a hair salon, as someone cut and colored her hair, and we gave her a make-over, and she didn’t say anything. Now, we definitely should have asked first, especially friend B who planned it all. But when we asked friend A why she hadn’t said “No” at any point, her response was, “I didn’t want to disappoint you guys or make you feel bad.”
We all learned a lesson that day about people pleasing. Friend A learned that she has the right to tell people “no”, that she doesn’t have to do something she doesn’t want to do just to please someone else. We also learned that we needed to ask before expecting someone to make drastic changes to their appearance. Lesson learned, but I’ll never forget how friend A was so eager to please us, so eager to not disappoint us, that she sat there for hours as we messed her up and didn’t say a word.
People pleasing is one of the most common types of dysfunction in a relationship. Ask any person, Christian or pre-Christian, and they will likely be able to confirm that yes, people pleasing is not a good habit to be in. The Bible confirms that as well. People pleasing is not only a bad habit, but it’s opposite of the kind of life that Christians are meant to live.
Let’s look at our passage this morning to learn more. I’m going to be in Galatians 1:6-12, “I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ, for a different gospel, which is not just another account; but there are some who are disturbing you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! As we have said before, even now I say again: if anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed! For am I now seeking the favor of people, or of God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. For I would have you know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel which was preached by me is not of human invention. For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ.”
Here, Paul talks about the dangers of pleasing people, and talks about what that means for Christians. Paul’s main point here is a question in verse 10, “For am I now seeking the favor of people, or of God? Or am I striving to please people?” It’s a great question, and a question that all Christ-followers must ask themselves, and frequently. Am I striving to please people, or am I striving to please God?
Paul talks about two markers of those who are trying to please people, and we need to talk about these.
First, in verse 6, Paul says that there are those who have deserted the gospel of Christ for a different gospel. People pleasers who are choosing to please people instead of God will either desert or deny the gospel of Christ.
Paul, in the book of Romans, tells us to watch out for these people who desert or deny the gospel, “Now I urge you, brothers and sisters, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. For such people are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting.” (Romans 16:17-18, NASB).
Paul says that we’ll know people pleasers because they walk away from the gospel of Christ and are slaves to their own appetites, their own selfish desires. They walk away from Christ because they’d rather live life their own way. The people pleasing that they do, rather than trying to please other people like we often think when we hear the term “people pleaser”, instead, they work only to please themselves. The people they please is themselves. In the pursuit of pleasing themselves, they walk away from Christ, or just flat out deny and reject Him to begin with. Paul says we should be weary of them because they try to persuade others to deny Christ as well.
People pleasers who deny Christ, Paul says this about them as well, “But evil people and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:13-15, NASB). Paul says they’ll be with us always, these people pleasers, and that they will go from bad to worse, but he encourages believers to hold true to what we know is the truth.
So, people pleasers desert or deny the gospel of Christ because they are slaves to their own selfish desires, and they will try to deceive others to deny Christ as well.
This letter to the Galatian church points out another danger with people pleasers though. We already see that some people pleasers will flat out deny the gospel, but the more dangerous type of people pleasers are those who distort the gospel of Christ. Later in the letter, in chapter 2, verse 4, Paul tells the Galatians about these people pleasers, “This matter arose because some false believers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves.” (NIV) He has encountered people who, pretending to be believers, had become a part of the church in order to deceive those who truly were believers.
Acts 15:1 has more information about these types of people pleasers and what they were distorting about the gospel, “Some men came down from Judea and began teaching the brothers, “Unless you are circumcised according to the custom of Moses, you cannot be saved.” (NASB) Paul talks about these people pleasers in many places throughout his letters, that they distorted and twisted the gospel of Jesus by telling believers that they still had to uphold the law of Moses, particularly circumcision, to really be saved.
These people pleasers twist the truth in some way to lead people astray, and their motive is to please others. In this case, they people pleasers were trying to please those who were Jewish and were upset about the Gentiles getting to be part of God’s family.
And the motivation for those who distort or twist the gospel, is usually to please someone that has different beliefs. So we have two different types of people pleasers we see in the Bible, those who deny the gospel of Christ to please themselves, and those who distort the gospel of Christ to please others.
So, for once, the world and the Bible agree: pleasing people, whether it’s yourself or others, is bad. It’s a bad habit, and it is not glorifying to God. We don’t want to be people pleasers, we want the favor of God.
What is it that marks a person who is seeking to please God, to get favor with the Lord? Let’s return to Galatians 1:10-12, “For am I now seeking the favor of people, or of God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. For I would have you know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel which was preached by me is not of human invention. For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ.”
Well, for starters, those who are trying to please God, don’t try to please people. They don’t try to please themselves, and they don’t try to please others. In Galatians 4:9 Paul warns, “But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how is it that you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles, to which you want to be enslaved all over again?” (NASB) He questions, why you would want to turn back to the ways you knew before coming to know God once you know Him? Why would you want to go back to pleasing people once God has set you free?
Ephesians 6:6 says this, “Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, do God’s will from your heart.” (CSB) Those who are seeking the favor of God, do not please people, they do God’s will from their heart.
In Galatians 1:10, Paul says that if he was trying to please people, he would not be a bond-servant of Christ. John 12:25-26 helps us understand what a bond-servant of Christ looks like, “The one who loves his life will lose it, and the one who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me. Where I am, there my servant also will be. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.” (CSB) Being a bond-servant of Christ means losing the life you had before you came to Jesus. Being a bond-servant of Christ means following Him.
Colossians 3:23-24 says this, “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord and not for people, knowing that it is from the Lord that you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” (NASB) Being a bond-servant of Christ means doing everything we do as if we were it for the Lord.
To seek the favor of God, to please God, you must be a bond-servant of Christ.
And finally, Paul reminds the Galatians that the gospel he taught them, the gospel he was preaching was not given to him by men, but was revealed to him through a revelation by Christ Jesus. Acts 9:20 confirms this fact for us, and tells us that as soon as Paul came to know Jesus and had his sight restored, he began to preach the news that Jesus is the Son of God and offers the forgiveness of sins to those who repent.
In 1 Corinthians 1:23 Paul says that they preached Christ crucified! What Paul, and Peter, and Timothy, and any of the other disciples ever taught was the gospel of Christ. Seeking the favor of God means following the gospel of Christ. Do not be deceived by people pleasers. Do not desert or deny the gospel, do not distort or twist the gospel. Don’t strive to please people, be a bond-servant of Christ, and follow the gospel of Christ.
1. Do you see any patterns of people pleasing in your life: striving to please yourself or others and therefore denying or distorting the gospel?
2. How can Romans 12:1-2 help you break any patterns of people pleasing you might have?
3. Are there any other areas of your pre-Christ life that need to be let go of (John 12:25-26)?